Ten ways to let go of the past...

1. Realize that the past is not real - Okay, here’s the inside scoop…the past is not real! You do not own a time machine and you are not capable of going through the exact same experience more than once. I know it may sound like I'm stating the bleeding obvious here but it needs to be said. When we are hooked into re-living the past what we are actually doing is re-playing internal memories of the past stored in our autobiographical memory. Re-playing these memories can generate feelings similar to how we felt when we had the experience but they are still only memories…movies we play inside our mind…they’re not the real thing. 

It’s a bit like going to a theme park and taking part in a rollercoaster simulator. We know it’s not the real thing but we act 'as if' it is. It’s perhaps not quite as intense but we still get some of the emotion and thrill we get when we are on an actual rollercoaster.

Getting lost in the past is a bit like going on a scary simulator and then forgetting it’s not the real thing. It’s like watching a really bad movie (like Taken 2), hating it and then going back to see it voluntarily several times a day. It doesn't make sense so why do it inside your mind?! (Apologies to Taken 2 fans but be honest, did it really merit a second instalment? :-) )

2. Realize that you are not your past but a product of how you've interpreted you past memories - It’s time to stop using your past experiences as an excuse. If you find yourself saying things like ‘I am this way because…’ (And then list a load of things that have happened to you) then stop it. Past experiences do not dictate who you are or who you turn out to be. Its how you have interpreted and continue to interpret those past experiences that count.

While some people clearly have advantages in terms of upbringing and support nothing is set in stone. For example, take three different people who were bullied as children. One could grow up to become a bully themselves, another could turn into a complete wallflower and the third could draw strength from it and start an anti bullying campaign. Three similar experiences all with drastically different outcomes because of how the individual interpreted the situation. The great thing is It’s up to you how you interpret the things that happen to you. As soon as you change the meaning you draw from your past experiences you change the way you feel and hence how you think and behave in the present.

3. Find the real learning - One way to help re-interpret past memories and let go of any negative emotions attached to them is to find the real learning. One of the main reasons we are still emotionally involved in our past memories is that we missed the real learning or created a misinformed opinion about what happened. We find ourselves in a situation where we haven’t yet developed the resources and/or skills to deal with it effectively and it affects us emotionally. These feelings are then attached to the memories to highlight a need for learning. If we miss the learning the feeling can linger on and create the urge to re-play the memory over and over in your mind. It’s almost like we do a kind of ‘peter pan syndrome’ thing on the experience. We grow up but the memory stays locked in time.

The main reason we feel negative emotions is to highlight that something needs attention and to tell us we need to make some kind of new learning. Recognise and take on board this learning and the memory with the bad feeling has served its purpose.

There are lots of practical ways to go back and find the learning. One quick way is to simply look back at the memory through older, wiser eyes and ask, “What was I really meant to learn from this experience?” When you get an answer make a pact with yourself to act on the new learning. You’ll be amazed how just doing that can completely release your association with the past memory (you might even start to feel good about it). Another technique is to go back and imagine you are a neutral observer. What advice would you give that younger you? What new information is now available to you now from this neutral place that transforms the memory of that experience?

4. Plan for the future - Ask yourself what you would like to do differently in the future as a result of the experience. Remember, the function of bad memories is to highlight that something has to be learned or addressed. Once you get a sense of what the new learning is allow your mind to drift off into the future and imagine taking on board this new learning. Notice how it positively impacts your life then look back from this place and realize the bad experience made this new learning possible. I can't begin to tell you how many times I've used this and how powerful it can be.

5. Use Humour – Humour is one of the most universal and useful emotions we have available to us. It can diffuse arguments almost in an instant, it can dissolve negative emotions nearly as fast. Here’s a quick trick you can use that will help neutralize any bad feelings you have attached to a memory.

• Allow the memory to come to mind until you start to feel bad.
• Now start playing silly music inside your mind as you play through the memory – Notice how this changes the feeling.
• Now imagine that everyone in the memory is wearing ballerina costumes and moving in time with the music.
• Keep playing about with the visual and auditory aspects of the memory until you find yourself laughing because of how bizarre and silly it is.
• Spend between 5-10 minutes laughing at how bizarre & silly the memory is.

6. Talk it over to someone - A lot of the time it can be very cathartic to let loose and just talk. Sometimes this alone can make the past seem a more pleasant place. (Please note this is not an excuse to wallow in self pity and become self indulgent. See it more as an occasional offload rather than a crutch)

7. Exercise, nutrition & sleep - It’s not just about the mind. Our overall physical health significantly affects our internal processes so the more you look after yourself the greater your capacity for mental health, the sharper you will be and the brighter the internal representation of your past, present and future become. The mind and body are intimately linked so anything good you do with your body will be reflected in your mind. Unless you are one of these individuals who are fine with just 6 hours sleep (this is such an alien concept to me I consider these people modern marvels of science!) then do your best to get 8 hours a night. Above all listen to your body, become attuned with how it feels...it can have a wisdom way beyond our conscious minds, ignore it at your peril.

8. Use the Past as a Resource - Actually it’s okay to get lost in the past every now and again. In fact it can be amazing providing you get lost in good memories. Keep a journal and record notes about all your successes, moments of passion, excitement and pleasure. Your memories can act as a pathway to good feelings, resources and enjoyable reminiscing so put them to good use. Take some time every now and again to vividly remember all the wonderful things you've experienced up to this point. We all need ways to keep ourselves entertained between experiences and going back to past pleasant memories is thoroughly enjoyable and does wonders for our happiness. Just remember life happens in the present so don’t get too lost.

9. Go to the toilet – Okay I put this one in as a bit of a joke. However regular bowel movements will help with your internal processing and overall sense of well being :-)

10. Seek Professionally help - If you are still struggling and it's significantly affecting your life then seek professional help. Providing the therapist or coach is skilled at their craft, NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and hypnosis are excellent ways to let go of the past and use it as a resource to move forward.

There are lots of other ways though...explore, give things a go you've maybe never tried before. If you always do what you've always done then....well, I think you know how that one ends.

Take Care

Steven Burns

NLP Trainer, Hypnotherapist & Coach

The Scottish Centre of NLP

info@scottishcentreofnlp.com
www.scottishcentreofnlp.com

A Sample Hypnosis script...

Enjoy this wee sample induction...Give it a go with friends or clients. It is purely for relaxation however uses many hypnotic language techniques...Just to make this fool proof…don’t read out the bits in italics!!

Take it slowly, use a nice relaxed pace and rhythm to your voice.  For best results, use the voice you'd use to send a child to sleep!

1. Now, I want you to just close your eyes and, as you do, begin to take long, slow, deep breaths... [take long, slow, deep breaths yourself.
2. [acknowledgement] ...Excellent, that's it...
3. ...As you begin to relax I want you to notice yourself becoming warm, comfortable and relaxed...warm, comfortable and relaxed...
4. [acknowledgement]... that's it, very good...
5. ...now, just imagine...if relaxation was a colour...imagine what colour it would be...it might be a deep, deep purple...or maybe a rich, luxurious green...or even a peaceful, perfect white...and you can decide now exactly what colour you want relaxation to be now...
6. [acknowledgement]...that's it...
7. ...imagine that colour beginning to spread....from the most relaxed place on your body...and feel it beginning to spread...that's it...all the way from the top of your head...to the tip of your toes...warm, comfortable and relaxed...imagine what that would look like...and imagine how relaxed you now feel...if warm, comfortable relaxation was now inside...every cell...of your body...
8. [acknowledgement]...excellent...
9. ...and...as you imagine that deep...deep...relaxation now...that's it...just allow the sound of my voice....and the relaxing music...to take you just a little further so that...you now feel...so wonderfully relaxed...that you can let all your stresses....just fall away...
10. [acknowledgement]...excellent... that's it.... [repeat for about 30 seconds]
11. [slowly begin bringing your voice back to normal speaking rhythm and tone over this whole paragraph]...now holding onto those wonderful feelings...of relaxation...and peace...I want you to start simply following my voice...all the way back out...all the way back here again...and soon you will begin...to be able to feel your fingers and your toes...and hear the music and the sounds of the room...and as soon as you are ready I want you to open your eyes,coming all the way back into the room...[repeat 'I want you to open your eyes,coming all the way back into the room' as many times as necessary until client all the way back]

Have fun with it, you'll be amazed how easy it is to induce trance.

Steven Burns

NLP Trainer, Hypnotherapist & Coach

The Scottish Centre of NLP

www.scottishcentreofnlp.com

info@scottishcentreofnlp.com

The Top 3 Myths of hypnosis...

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes...and sleep! You are now under my complete control and will do everything I say...

It’s funny how, when you ask people about their opinion on hypnosis, you get a lot of responses that are close to or in some way related to this.

I first trained as a hypnotherapist when I was 22 and ever since then, when I've told people about it, I've had some pretty weird looks and often some even weirder questions.

The all time most popular question from the men (usually asked in a kind of ‘half joking, half serious way’) has to be: “Can you use hypnosis to get girls into bed?!” Closely followed by a genuine request to ‘Make Darren dance like a chicken’ (Act like a tumble drier is one of the stranger ones)

My female friends tend to ask a lot more intelligent questions...Usually ones involving the practical applications like relaxation, weight loss and confidence while remarking how fascinating a subject it is.

However, I did get asked by one woman at a party if I had ‘brought my watch with me’ because she would ‘love it if I made her stop eating!’ I said I could but asked if she realized that stopping eating would in fact lead eventually to death!”

She looked at me kind of strangely and re-stated with complete conviction that she really needed to stop and I had free reign do my ‘voodoo magic’ on her...

I think the general perception of hypnosis has improved a lot over the years but there are still lots of misconceptions about what it actually is and how it works. Stage hypnosis certainly doesn't help but I think it would be a bit rich to criticize given that the high level of intrigue surrounding it is probably one of the biggest factors in making hypnosis so widely recognised.

It does lead to a lot of misinterpretations about hypnosis though that can sometimes get in the way when you are either working with a client or training people how to use it.

Here are what I consider to be the 3 main myths of Hypnosis and hypnotic trance. Hopefully it will clear things up a bit and help give you a better understanding into what is, in my opinion,  one of the most useful therapeutic and personal development tools we have available.

Myth number 1 - When you are in a hypnotic trance you are zapped, zonked out or in some weird unnatural state.

This is perhaps a favourite...That idea that when you are hypnotised you ‘get put under’ and that you are in some weird, zonked out state of mind as if your brain has been stopped in some way. The truth is hypnosis can feel a little strange (in a very pleasant way) but it is by no means unnatural.

Hypnotic trance is a perfectly natural state that we go in and out of at various different times of the day. It can often be like a ‘deep daydream’ or similar to the feeling you get when you becoming so absorbed in what you’re doing (like reading a book, watching a movie or playing a video game). An hour can go past and it feels like it’s only been ten minutes, people can walk past you and you don’t notice them and the world around you can almost feel like it’s disappeared because you’re so engaged in what you were doing.

There are lots of different examples of ‘naturally occurring’ trances we experience on a day to day basis. For example, have you ever driven your car on a routine destination (perhaps to your work) and then, when you arrive, you can’t fully remember how you got there? You don’t consciously remember every turn, road sign and roundabout but you know you managed to navigate the journey safely. Perhaps you kind of went into auto pilot or maybe even a little daydream while at the same time feeling comfortable that you didn't have to have your full conscious attention on the road. We all experience this from time to time, sometimes everyday and it’s a common example of when we drop into a hypnotic trance.

A more comical example is the ‘elevator trance’ (one that I frequently succumb to). You step into an elevator, punch in your floor number and patiently wait for your destination to arrive...The doors open and you walk out only to notice that you are, in fact, on the wrong floor! The turn back round with your tail between your legs (while checking to see if anyone noticed) and head back in the lift.

It’s an understandable opinion that hypnosis is a weird, unnatural state of mind but it is utterly misinformed and untrue. It’s a perfectly natural, enjoyable and useful state of mind that we all go into at various times of the day and the hypnotist’s job is to guide the person into this state of mind, deepen it and then put forward suggestions so that they get the changes they want.

Myth number 2 - The hypnotist had complete control and can get you to do things you don’t want to do.

Again this is a common myth that can often concern people when you mention hypnosis and one that is definitely born from stage hypnosis. Let me be clear about this...hypnosis is very powerful and can most definitely influence people to change deeply held emotions, behaviours and mind sets. However, the power it has is held by the hypnotic subject rather than the hypnotist.

There’s that phrase we often use that ‘there is no such thing as hypnosis only guided self hypnosis’ which is very accurate about what really goes in the trance process. As a hypnotist you are a guide that helps the hypnotic subject through an exploration of their own mind to find different ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.

You may be thinking though - ‘Well that’s all fine and dandy but what about stage hypnosis?’ ‘Surely that gets people to do things they don’t want to do?!’ Well, I know it seems that way but the truth is a bit different. The hypnotic subjects know fine well what they are getting themselves into when they volunteer.

They know it’s an entertainment show, a performance and that they are going to be asked to do things they wouldn't normally do. By walking on the stage and volunteering they are essentially saying ‘I am okay with this’ at a subconsciously level and possibly a conscious one. Stage hypnotists also go through something called a ‘selection process’ where they work their way down from a large number of volunteers to just a handful. This process is designed to highlight the ones who are highly suggestible and deep down feel the most comfortable with going along with pretty much everything the hypnotist says. There are also a lot of other psychological factors involved such as crowd psychology that add to what is already a very persuasive hypnotic environment.

The kind of hypnosis that is used on a one to one basis shares some similarities but is not the same.

Essentially the subject is the one who makes the shifts and changes and the hypnotist acts as a guide. The more skilful a guide you are the better a hypnotist you are...The trick is to weave your words in such a way that the person being hypnotized attaches their own meanings and reaches their own solutions as opposed to you ‘just telling them to do something’. It’s a highly skilled craft and can be truly mesmerizing to watch and listen to when it’s done well.

Myth number 3 - Not everyone can be hypnotized...

This one has probably been covered already indirectly but I think it still merits its own mention. I'm not exactly sure when and where this popular myth was created but I think it may have come from a time when the main style of hypnosis was ‘Authoritarian hypnosis’. This is where you are very direct about how you induce trance and give suggestions for changing behaviours, emotions and mind sets. This type of hypnosis can work with a small percentage of people and is certainly worth doing as part of the hypnotic process but if it’s the only approach you have then there will be a large number of people who will not respond. (Both in going in trance and making changes)

Modern day hypnosis is about utilizing the hypnotic subject’s experience of the world to guide them into trance and then allow them to explore further. It’s about recognising that trance is a naturally occurring state and that everyone goes in and out it at some point during the day. Given the discovery that trance is, in fact, not some weird unnatural state this myth should really be confined to the bin.

People are often a bit confused, however, after they are hypnotized as to whether they were in fact in trance. Some will even convince themselves that they weren't because it didn't feel that much different than relaxation, meditation or being in a daydream. This is more of a reflection on public perception of what trance is than the reality. Because trance is something we have all experienced then it does feel similar to experiences we have already had. That doesn't make it any less useful though it just leads to people mistakenly jumping to the conclusion that they ‘ couldn't get put under!’

For more information on hypnosis feel free to comment and.or get in touch. We're always happy to chat about it.

Steven Burns

NLP Trainer & Coach

The Scottish Centre of NLP

info@scottishcentreofnlp.com